Epitaph for a Friend Who Made and Lost A Fortune!

Mr TDR was a good friend of mine. He is no more in this world now. 

Since we humans are not so broadminded to open our lives to the public domain, I am not daring to reveal his name lest some of his near or dear ones may find it unacceptable to them for various reasons. So, I simply prefer to identify him as Mr TDR.

I got introduced to him some time in mid 1980 in a hostel meant for the junior officer trainees of the company where I too joined as a trainee officer. My friend Mr TDR belonged to the senior batch. Since the majority of the 150 odd hostel mates there belonged to Hindi and Bengali speaking regions with a few each from the linguistically different south Indian states, there soon developed a special bond among those few linguistic minority groups.

The company in those days was not so comfortable with the idea of selecting female officers, though it did select one or two occasionally. But the junior officers' hostel was strictly a male dominion in those days.

My batch of officers did not have any one from my home state Kerala and I was a loner in my batch on that count. And that helped me to get entry in to the linguistic group of the few Malayalam speakers belonging to senior batches. Since I was of more or less the same age as my seniors, my acceptance in the senior batch fellows from my home state was not much difficult. Besides, we were a very small group as compared to the Hindi or Bengali groups.

TDR was one or two inches shorter as compared to the rest and often I sensed his inferiority complex getting surfaced as an assertion for establishing some kind of superiority. Often we youngsters argued on various issues ranging from politics, cinema, sports, religion and the like during our spare times and no one was very willing to accept others' view points in such debates. The arguments often used to go high pitch and caused some irritations only to be stopped just before the onset of angry outbursts.

Yet we were good friends and could not think of being alone without the company of the others at times when we are not attending out official on the job training duties. Obviously those were the times we were all unmarried eligible bachelors!

The modest bicycle was our mode of transport in those days. Owning a motorized vehicle was one of our dreams that we wanted to accomplish at the earliest opportunity.

Mr TDR was the first in our group to fulfill that dream while we were still in the hostel. None of us knew the art of riding the the motorized two wheeler or four wheeler at that time. Yet, I remember obliging him to accompany him to the showroom to buy his brand new scooter. I rode his new vehicle alone in the night by experimenting with it. In the process I learnt it and became his driving tutor the next day! Within a few months TDR bought a second hand Fiat car. He and me learnt driving in that car some time in the early 1981.

He was very enthusiastic about his work as a maintenance engineer in the production department where he worked while I worked as a process plant operations manager in another department. He was very enthusiastic in inviting me and showing me the various innovative ideas he had employed and put to practice. His improvised methods of reactivating various non working and non attended air pollution control equipment was indeed commendable considering the manner in which his seniors preferred to neglect those. He was too critical of the plant designers and often used to tell me about better ways of designing the plant systems. In another couple of years the plant management fulfilled his desire by transferring him to the engineering design department where he learnt the techniques of practical plant design. In another couple of years' time I too was placed in the same department, but in another work area. Now we both have become professional colleagues in the same functional department.

During this time we both got married and began to live in the same apartment building. His wife and my wife too became good friends. Being a prevalent practice for some Hindu castes in southern India, his wife was his own first cousin. Initially he resented this marriage from being taking place as he considered his bride as his sister but had to succumb to the wishes of his parents and relatives. Even after his wife began living with him at the distant place of his official work, he was not fully settled to this marriage. Soon marriage discords began developing in their life. Later, I had to step in the role as a marriage counselor to them and the problems got resolved for some time only to blow up fully to a divorce in another few months. The divorce was as in fact not because of him or his wife but as a result of the hurt egos of the elders of both families.

TDR remained unmarried for a few years after divorce. During this time he was becoming more and more secluded and trying to spend his time by inventing more work for him. Later his family convinced him for marrying again. In another one or two years' time he resigned from our company and left the place with his second wife and his small girl child. His resignation was due to his protest against his superiors who, in his opinion did some favoritism in giving promotion to his not-so-efficient colleague. When he drove off with his second wife and his small kid in his car to the distant place in the west coast of India, I was the only one to see him off and wish him the best.

His bosses in the new private company where he joined encouraged him professionally. He was encouraged to pursue a PhD in engineering from a premier engineering institute and soon he accomplished that. He wanted to excel in his field and rise in professional career and soon he was successful. He became a General Manager in some multinational and soon emigrated to a foreign country. In his pursuit for higher professional achievements, he found his family as a hindrance. He left them back in India and spent the rest of his prime time in the foreign land and even became a citizen there.

He had been in contact with me during these years, though the communications used to be once or twice in a couple of years. He faced professional successes and failures in the foreign land. Overall he made a financial fortune for his wife and daughter who stayed back in his home country.

A couple of years ago, he decided to return back to India. During this time he became a Hindu philosopher with much self study in Advaida Vedanta. It was the time when I too got my search towards spiritual truths after much studies in almost all the existing religious texts to find the most convincing truths in the Urantia Book. In our philosophic exchanges, regrettably, my friend TDR could not advance beyond the Advaida Vedanta where his mind got stuck up.

He returned to India with higher enthusiasm to achieve his unfulfilled dreams. Now, he had enough money to pursue further. Unfortunately, something happened about which I have little idea, after he reached back. I found him gloomy while he talked to me over phone once in a while from his Indian location few thousand kilometers away from my location.

A few months later, he called up me to inform me that he had become a Sannyasi of the Hare Krishna movement at Vrindavan and began to live there. Obviously, he could not connect to his family at this stage. In yet another couple of months he left that perhaps with some disillusion. He began to stay with his elderly parents, his wife and daughter staying away from him. He had money to make one more big house for him. He began to stay in his newly constructed house. But destiny was going to be different. Soon he was affected by cancer. He wanted to meet me and I made efforts to travel to his place and meet him. The signs of the dreaded disease and the equally dreaded medical treatments were obviously visible. We had nothing to talk.

After all what was there to talk? 

His wife and daughter were no more living with him. They made some occasional visits. His old parents were now taking care of him! I asked him about his divorced wife. She did not re-marry and she died of blood cancer some years ago. He informed me.

In just another few months time late in the midnight I received a call from him. I was shocked when I heard him telling me as if abandoned by all near and dear ones and sitting alone in some strange railway station of north west India, far away from his home. He wanted me to help him. Later, my inquiries revealed about his mental condition. It was his delusion due to the ill effects of his cancer treatment. He called me from his hospital bed!

In another couple of months I went to meet him again. This time he was alone, almost abandoned in a palliative care unit of a private hospital. He had become a skeleton, yet capable of talking and smiling, lying helplessly on the bed. We won't meet again, he whispered to me holding my hand.

We would have met some day, my friend. I could not tell that to him loudly for him to hear.

I left in a few minutes. Memories of many past events played in the back of my mind.

In just another two month's time, sitting thousands of kilometers away, I heard the news. TDR was no more.

He had escaped from the vicissitudes of this life.

I do not have the caliber to judge about the achievements of his life!

May his soul rest in peace till it is adjudged for some personality revival!

What Makes You Consider (You, Me or They) As the Most Fortunate ?

Long ago, a friend of mine took me to one of his uncles living in a palatial house in the midst of the largest metro city of India.

The man was in his Seventies and was living with his old wife and a host of servants.

His house was a three storeyed one having many rooms and facilities like a star hotel. Guessing by the size of this modern house, I guessed that there would be some swimming pool too some where behind !

He was very courteous and welcomed his not so wealthy nephew and his friend warmly and took us to one of his posh guest entertaining rooms which had a mini bar at one side displaying exotic brands of liquors in various designs of  glass bottles in varying shapes and colours.

While entering the house through the security gate, I had observed a few imported cars in the compound, kept shining by regular care !

He made us sat on the luxurious sofas comfortably and sat by our side. He was making extra efforts to make me feel at ease with his magnanimous gestures.

Yet there was that unmistakable guise of artificiality in all his gestures, which had become part of his personality as a successful business man over the last few decades.

Within minutes an young lady, brought in to a few sparkling glasses in a tray. Obviously tea or coffee were for those lesser mortals. And he was not one of that kind !

I commented and appreciated him for his fortunes and worldly achievements of wealth !

But he seemed not content with his achievements.

He told me that he was a very unlucky man and a dejected father.

Unlucky because another business man of his city of his age, who had nothing a couple of years ago when he had millions, was now marching forward to become one of the richest in the world !

Dejected father because his only daughter who had become a doctor of eminence had rejected to accept the wealth he had amassed in his life and refused to look after his business empire in India. She had migrated to a foreign country !

For nearly two hours he kept telling us many things. Obviously he wanted some one to share his mind which was nearly absent in his palatial mansion like home !

In between he told me that the chair I was sitting was occasionally occupied by the first citizen of the state who was a close soul mate of him.

When I said he was a very fortunate bureaucrat he denied that and told us some real stories to prove the misfortunes of his soul mate.

Obviously this enormous wealth this old man and the enormous political power of his old friend were not making them fortunate in their own assessments during those years when they got the time to do the self assessments !

I was in doubt now. Should I benchmark my self with these so-called fortunate individuals who evaluated themselves as not fortunate !

If I do not, then how can I work out a standard for measuring my 'fortunes' or any one else 'fortunes' ?

I want to ask those who read this, about their views on this.

What makes you feel fortunate in life ?

[I no longer consider benchmarking wealth or power with any one. Nor do I consider possession of these by any one to be regarded as some thing fortunate in life. Instead, wealth and power, in the hands of any one as a great responsibility. A great responsibility to do greater service to others. If this responsibility cannot be taken up, wealth and power is a burden. If wealth and power are used for personal enhancement of pleasures, they would eventually become agents of destruction causing much distress and pains some time later. 

At this point I am compelled to quote a few things from my favorite book- the Urantia Book- which narrates the incident when a rich Roman citizen approached Jesus for his counselling regarding the use of his wealth. For brevity, I am reproducing only some select portions from the original narration:

After many intimate conferences this wealthy citizen asked Jesus what he would do with wealth if he had it, and Jesus answered him:

“I would bestow material wealth for the enhancement of material life, even as I would minister knowledge, wisdom, and spiritual service for the enrichment of the intellectual life, the ennoblement of the social life, and the advancement of the spiritual life. I would administer material wealth as a wise and effective trustee of the resources of one generation for the benefit and ennoblement of the next and succeeding generations.” 

But the rich man was not fully satisfied with Jesus’ answer.

He made bold to ask again:

“But what do you think a man in my position should do with his wealth? Should I keep it, or should I give it away?”

Jesus then decided to advise him some more as the rich man was willing to listen to his advice.

"As steward of inherited wealth you should consider its sources. You are under moral obligation to represent the past generation in the honest transmittal of legitimate wealth to succeeding generations after subtracting a fair toll for the benefit of the present generation. But you are not obligated to perpetuate any dishonesty or injustice involved in the unfair accumulation of wealth by your ancestors. Any portion of your inherited wealth which turns out to have been derived through fraud or unfairness, you may disburse in accordance with your convictions of justice, generosity, and restitution. The remainder of your legitimate inherited wealth you may use in equity and transmit in security as the trustee of one generation for another. Wise discrimination and sound judgment should dictate your decisions regarding the bequest of riches to your successors.

Everyone who enjoys wealth as a result of discovery should remember that one individual can live on earth but a short season and should, therefore, make adequate provision for the sharing of these discoveries in helpful ways by the largest possible number of his fellow men. While the discoverer should not be denied all reward for efforts of discovery, neither should he selfishly presume to lay claim to all of the advantages and blessings to be derived from the uncovering of nature’s hoarded resources.

As long as men choose to conduct the world’s business by trade and barter, they are entitled to a fair and legitimate profit. Every tradesman deserves wages for his services; the merchant is entitled to his hire. The fairness of trade and the honest treatment accorded one’s fellows in the organized business of the world create many different sorts of profit wealth, and all these sources of wealth must be judged by the highest principles of justice, honesty, and fairness. The honest trader should not hesitate to take the same profit which he would gladly accord his fellow trader in a similar transaction. While this sort of wealth is not identical with individually earned income when business dealings are conducted on a large scale, at the same time, such honestly accumulated wealth endows its possessor with a considerable equity as regards a voice in its subsequent distribution.

No mortal who knows God and seeks to do the divine will can stoop to engage in the oppressions of wealth. No noble man will strive to accumulate riches and amass wealth-power by the enslavement or unfair exploitation of his brothers in the flesh. Riches are a moral curse and a spiritual stigma when they are derived from the sweat of oppressed mortal man. All such wealth should be restored to those who have thus been robbed or to their children and their children’s children. An enduring civilization cannot be built upon the practice of defrauding the laborer of his hire.

Honest wealth is entitled to interest. As long as men borrow and lend, that which is fair interest may be collected provided the capital lent was legitimate wealth. First cleanse your capital before you lay claim to the interest. Do not become so small and grasping that you would stoop to the practice of usury. Never permit yourself to be so selfish as to employ money-power to gain unfair advantage over your struggling fellows. Yield not to the temptation to take usury from your brother in financial distress.

If you chance to secure wealth by flights of genius, if your riches are derived from the rewards of inventive endowment, do not lay claim to an unfair portion of such rewards. The genius owes something to both his ancestors and his progeny; likewise is he under obligation to the race, nation, and circumstances of his inventive discoveries; he should also remember that it was as man among men that he labored and wrought out his inventions. It would be equally unjust to deprive the genius of all his increment of wealth. And it will ever be impossible for men to establish rules and regulations applicable equally to all these problems of the equitable distribution of wealth. You must first recognize man as your brother, and if you honestly desire to do by him as you would have him do by you, the commonplace dictates of justice, honesty, and fairness will guide you in the just and impartial settlement of every recurring problem of economic rewards and social justice.

Except for the just and legitimate fees earned in administration, no man should lay personal claim to that wealth which time and chance may cause to fall into his hands. Accidental riches should be regarded somewhat in the light of a trust to be expended for the benefit of one’s social or economic group. The possessors of such wealth should be accorded the major voice in the determination of the wise and effective distribution of such unearned resources. Civilized man will not always look upon all that he controls as his personal and private possession.

 If any portion of your fortune has been knowingly derived from fraud; if aught of your wealth has been accumulated by dishonest practices or unfair methods; if your riches are the product of unjust dealings with your fellows, make haste to restore all these ill-gotten gains to the rightful owners. Make full amends and thus cleanse your fortune of all dishonest riches.

The trusteeship of the wealth of one person for the benefit of others is a solemn and sacred responsibility. Do not hazard or jeopardize such a trust. Take for yourself of any trust only that which all honest men would allow.

That part of your fortune which represents the earnings of your own mental and physical efforts — if your work has been done in fairness and equity — is truly your own. No man can gainsay your right to hold and use such wealth as you may see fit provided your exercise of this right does not work harm upon your fellows.”

If you have read this much, you possibly have understood what I concluded earlier!

Would you consider writing your own feelings here using the comments tool?

By any means did it occur to you to consider knowing more about the Urantia Book and reading it ?

If so click this Urantia-India website link.



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My Experiences and Encounters with Modern Medicine !

I do not know how the present day system of medical treatment got official patronage in most countries to be labelled as 'modern medicine' . What we know now is that this system of medicine is named allopathy which was named so by the German doctor who while practising the same found it not so good for alleviating the sufferings of the common people. [ You may brush up all about the history of allopathy here !]

Doctors and all those supporting people who serve in any field of medicine are special people who need to be admired by all for their services that they provide to other human beings in alleviating pain and sufferings due to illness or injury to body or mind.

So medicine men and women have been treated with great respect by all others. Those who have experienced the horror of illness and injury can never forget these visible gods who helped them to come out of the dread of death or pain or utter helplessness caused by their failed bodies and minds. If they could, they would be too happy to do anything for their doctors in return. This high regard and respect of the patients towards the doctors caused the doctors gaining a high position in the society, both in stature and wealth.

Very soon the modern medical field became the arena for all those who want to become rich and famous in the easiest manner by encashing the fear and helplessness of the sick, wounded and the dying.

There are unscrupulous people in all walks of life. Medical service field is no exception.

When there was not much opportunity for big money making, but only scope for earning the respect of the people, those who opted for learning medicine and becoming medical professionals were driven by the passion of service and empathy towards those suffered.

But some unscrupulous business people with the help of ignorant and complacent law makers soon made medical service field a goldmine of opportunity for making quick money from the helplessness of people suffering from diseases, malnutrition, genetic disorders and man made disasters.

The modern medicine branded as the allopathic system of medicine took the lead in transforming medical service into a money making business. Regrettably other systems of medicine too are are going forward in the allopathic way now.

Sufferings of mankind have become the market potential for those who didnot find anything wrong with making the human body a commodity of immense opportunities ! They are worse than the wild animals who might occasionally kill a human for their food !

This transformation is taking place in my beloved country too. This must be stopped. Unscrupulous elements must be prevented from taking the ultimate control of the medical services field.

To do that our concepts and ideas about the medical services need to be pragmatic, to begin with.

Let me discuss some such concepts and a few associated experiences that I have:

Concept-1 : Allopathic doctors or specialists are well trained and educated people and they know more than us about diseases and medicines.

Not always true. There are many doctors who happened to have obtained their medical degrees somehow without proper learning. Many of them also do not update their medical knowledge and are pitifully low in their common sense and basic skills. All doctors cannot be trusted fully under such a situation. It is better to have their opinions and advice varified by other means including seeking second or third opinions. I have come across doctors and specialist serving in big hospitals who do not know how to take the blood pressure of a patient properly or to interpret it. More damaging is their ignorance about the various medicines they prescribe to the patients. What they know about these medicines are what the medical representatives have told them. There also exists an unholy nexus between the medicine manufacturers (pharma companies), the druggists and the doctors.

Concept-2 : Big five star hospitals provide the best medical service. Not true always. Their charges could be five star rated, but not the services they provide. The bigger the hospital, the bigger the chances for negligence and fatal errors. Most often the hospital supporting staff are underpaid and exploited in such hospitals. A friend of mine who was otherwise well built and healthy became an unfortunate victim of such an error in a big five star hospital. He suffered from a viral influenza and had a severe cough for a few days. He was forced by his near and dear ones to go for a medical check up in a good hospital which made him visit this hospital as an out patient. The hospital people for one full day forced him to run here and there from morning to evening to carry out various tests ( a thing a good experienced family physician of yester years would need to assess the patient's condition!) By this exertion coupled with his cough and low fever made him further weak making the hospital admitting him as an inpatient. A drip and an oxygen mask were routinely fitted and a sedative was administered for him to remain remain motionless on the hospital bed for the night without disturbing any one. The sedative caused stomach convulsions causing him to vomit with the mask covering his mouth and nose and the vomit entering his lungs straight away. No one noticed immediately and when noticed some time in the night he had already dead almost. The hospital authorities kept this a secret to the extent possible and declared him of having a cardiac arrest in the night and kept him on artificial respiration for a few days there after only to remove the respirator later and declare him officially dead when they felt that his family would not be in a position now to pay the huge medical bills.

Concept-3: Surgical methods are the best treatments for getting a new lease of life for some more years and one must do it if you can afford at the earliest. A highly erroneous idea propagated by the so called modern hospitals. No surgery is safe and the chances are always 50:50. [ You have to sign the papers of agreement with these conditions at the last moment !] There exist non-invasive treatiments in other systems which might provide similar or better relief ! Only when the body is severely wounded, or non responsive otherwise, surgery  should be thought of. I know a few people who have been recommended for open heart surgeries some twenty years ago but didnot submit to it and living even now heartily !

Concept-4 : Expensive medicines are the best in effecting a cure. Not true always. On the contrary, expensive medicines can aggravate the situation and may even cause drug induced problems that could be even fatal.

Concept-4: Allopathy is scientific and all other medicine systems are quackeries. There is no substance in this. If you analyze the systems with objectively and with an unbiased mind, you find that all systems are equally good or equally bad. It is better to chose the system depending upon the ailment. Sticking to any one system stubbornly is foolish. I have found all the existing medical systems useful to some extent. It is better to keep it in mind that no system can extent your life beyond what God has determined!

Concept-5 : The more the tests the better the doctors understand the ailment and the treatment. Not always true. Tests do provide some information but it is wrong to assume that all kinds of tests are required for deciding the treatment course. Many times patients are required to undergo various kinds of tests for various reasons not always linked to the treatment. It is also important to keep it in mind that some invasive tests might cause more damage than good in some cases.

Concept-6 : There is a cure for all diseases and ailments in modern medicine if you can spend the money. Totally false. There are many diseases and health problems for which no system of medicine can provide a total solution.

There are more such things.

My only submission to my readers is to be cautious and careful when you or some relative or friend of yours need a medical assistance in the present day situation.

Be careful not to get entrapped helplessly in modern day hospitals established for the sole purpose of extracting money from the suffering people and suck out their life time earnings.

Some of those magnificent buildings out there posing as modern hospitals can turn out to be physical and financial death traps to some !

   

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