I have been trying to understand me for quite some time. If I cannot understand my own self, how do I even try to know about all those so called human fellows around me?
But it has not been so easy. More precisely, it has been inconclusive.
What kind of a person I am? Often I think I know me. But soon it so happens that I have to rethink about that conclusion!
What do I want to achieve in this life?
When I do not have the food, the water, and the shelter, what I need to achieve most is to get those first.
When I was a student, I was aiming to complete my studies so that I get in to some earning job that helped me to ensure those essentials of life all throughout my life.
But when I did get the job and the money, my priorities changed.
I wanted to control my subordinates. I wanted to be their god and boss if possible at the same time. I wanted they regard me like that. If they did not, it hurt me. It pinched my ego. I cared the least to recognize that they too had the same kind of mind that I have!
As I began to progress in my career, I became all the more unhappy. Not because I did not have the money and the comforts, but because I was not getting enough people under me to control.
I was not becoming a god like boss! I had bigger gods who dared to control me. I needed independence. Who the hell are all these to rule me, I thought. I am the independent god. Nothing short would make me happy.
Other gods around me soon realized the threat. They soon did all they could to chain me and my ambitions.
Bound from all sides, I became immobilized. But my mind still wandered without any chains!
I began to observe others. Observation became my passion. I began to learn about others. They are all like me. Not much difference. They are all in the same path as me. Some are in the initial stage and some in the later stage. Some are in search of food and some are in search of other things after food.
When they are finished with those all other things they too want to become the gods of others.
When they become a bit successful to be like gods, many of them would like to try and watch their godly powers of destruction, creation and nurturing.
Chained as I am, I keep watching them in action. I can see me in all of them. It is a wonderful thing. I am watching me in action everywhere!
It is possible for me to see my mistakes in their acts.
It is possible for me to laugh out when they do their foolish acts of fulfilling their humanly egos!
What are they to accomplish in the end? What could I have accomplished by all these?
As I have not been in the act due to the bounding chains, I have not been tired in body and my mind has been with more freedom than they.
My mind could transcend the present.
It could teach me more things than I ever thought before.
I began to learn about the follies of human life and the misconceptions that me and my human fellows have been keeping in our minds without ever getting the opportunities to discard them.
My mind now could teach me about the differences of my god like thoughts and that of the true nature of God.
It has been a wonderful learning. A never ending learning.
I am happy about it!
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